19th December 2006,
6.00pm Tuesday evening. Finishing blog before go back. Uploaded some pictures in my Friendster- yeah, Christmas celebration picture. Dunno why, have some problems uploading picture, probably because the pictures size too large, or wrong formating. Not able to install new program to resize pictures, so got to make do of what I have here.
Was on-leave yesterday. Went to hospital with mum, to pass the sputum sample for culture and sensitivity test. Mum had cough for long time, almost a month and the Lung X-Ray shown to have few white spots. She has been taking antibiotic, hopefully it will lessen the cough. Or else, will take her to GMC for further check-up. After hospital, we went for dim-sum at Anson road, then went to Gurney for shopping. Manage to get a new shoe for mum- as Christmas present. After shopping, we went to buy paint- planning to repaint house. "Orchid White", nice colour huh? Went back home, trying to take out old paint...climbing high and low..oh, my hands so painful now, muscle aching, whole body aching. I plan to paint the entire whole house during the festive season-Christmas. Wanna make use of the holidays to get the "home Improvement" done. And now...am just not sure can finish in 2 days time. To get rid of the old paint for one wall has taken me half the day...Oh Gosh, ...can I make it?
I've attended 2 Christmas Party recently- Desa U CG (my ex-CG), and Zion CG (my ex-multiplied CG), and this Wednesday (tomorrow) ginna attend another Chrismas Party for Abundance CG. Joining too many Cgs' outreach makes me real tired..but yet it's fun. The 2 Cgs were very active and youthful, a lot of energy to play..to eat and to sing. Maybe I'm just too old, get tired easily with many programs. Phei asked me to join Carolling at Queesnbay Mall on 21st...Gosshh..I really don't think so. Had been joining Zion CG outreach last Sunday- caroling in the Jubliee Old Folks home. Very nice place, clean environment and spacious hall. Even with the might, our voices doesn't seem to fill the entire hall. But, hmm...we enjoyed ourselves a lot. Spending time with the old folks, and talking and listening to them. Indeed very fruitful day!
Yet, Christmas is not just about Caroling, Gifts, party, fun-time..Christmas is about Christ. His GIFT to us, and what is out gift to Him? It's a time to pause and reflecting back His goodness, our journey thru' life. To move forward- forgetting what lies behind, and moving forward for a better 2007, a better growing, more growth in our Spiritual life, to know Him more.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The Gift of Friendship
19th December 2006,
The Gift of Friendship
(Extracted from Gavin Chin)
The gift of friendship is a very special thing
As we never know what will happen when we untie the strings,
As together we begin to grow,
Go slowly and gently reveals the heart He already knows.
The gift of Friendship is a special gift given by the Lord above,
And allow to take its course, it can develop the beauty of a drove,
It's not a gift to be judge by the beauty of one's face,
But the beauty of the heart and how it reveals God's grace.
For friendship is more than two people who find things to share,
It's a gift given by God to show how much He cares,
For within the heart of each Christian Friend God gives us,
The qualities of God which are loving, caring and just.
Friendship is a gift given by God, to bring comfort on the road we walk
As together we travel through the strains of life, as we begin to talk,
Friendship is the gift through which God help us carry the load,
As together through the trails of life, by the grace of God we grow.
So its often when I pray for you, that I thank the Lord for you,
And all the times you've been there to help me struggle through,
I also pray that there be many more blessings to share together,
As we continue to travel along the same road together.
The Gift of Friendship
(Extracted from Gavin Chin)
The gift of friendship is a very special thing
As we never know what will happen when we untie the strings,
As together we begin to grow,
Go slowly and gently reveals the heart He already knows.
The gift of Friendship is a special gift given by the Lord above,
And allow to take its course, it can develop the beauty of a drove,
It's not a gift to be judge by the beauty of one's face,
But the beauty of the heart and how it reveals God's grace.
For friendship is more than two people who find things to share,
It's a gift given by God to show how much He cares,
For within the heart of each Christian Friend God gives us,
The qualities of God which are loving, caring and just.
Friendship is a gift given by God, to bring comfort on the road we walk
As together we travel through the strains of life, as we begin to talk,
Friendship is the gift through which God help us carry the load,
As together through the trails of life, by the grace of God we grow.
So its often when I pray for you, that I thank the Lord for you,
And all the times you've been there to help me struggle through,
I also pray that there be many more blessings to share together,
As we continue to travel along the same road together.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Busy week
16th December 2006,
4.00pm Saturday, here I am in the hospital, still working wor...It's our annual stock taking. Even though I'm the superior and not entitled for OT, I still stay back, yeah...why leh? Coz wanna make sure subordinate doing thing well, and to be there at least to encourage them to work.
Am so tired, for the past 2 days has not been sleeping well. Reach home 1.30am on Thurs, and about 11.30pm on Friday. Christmas is so near..I attend Zion CG last night- Christmas Party, a simple one, makan, then carolling, then gifts' exchange. Very young people, they're very funny people, see a lot of new faces in Zion. Miss the old times. Later will be attending Benji's CG Christmas at Batu Maung. After this blog, gonna swith off my computer and go home. Need to rest and prepare for tonite meeting. Oh Yeah, Monday gonna be on-leave. Hurrayyhh...want to go buy paint, and plan to repaint my house during Christmas holidays. Am so tired...
This time stock take is normal. Have more people doing counting, expecting the variance to shoot up, since only twice a year stock take. Tomorrow will be church, then after church will join Zionist for Old Folks Home outreach. The Lord be my strength...
4.00pm Saturday, here I am in the hospital, still working wor...It's our annual stock taking. Even though I'm the superior and not entitled for OT, I still stay back, yeah...why leh? Coz wanna make sure subordinate doing thing well, and to be there at least to encourage them to work.
Am so tired, for the past 2 days has not been sleeping well. Reach home 1.30am on Thurs, and about 11.30pm on Friday. Christmas is so near..I attend Zion CG last night- Christmas Party, a simple one, makan, then carolling, then gifts' exchange. Very young people, they're very funny people, see a lot of new faces in Zion. Miss the old times. Later will be attending Benji's CG Christmas at Batu Maung. After this blog, gonna swith off my computer and go home. Need to rest and prepare for tonite meeting. Oh Yeah, Monday gonna be on-leave. Hurrayyhh...want to go buy paint, and plan to repaint my house during Christmas holidays. Am so tired...
This time stock take is normal. Have more people doing counting, expecting the variance to shoot up, since only twice a year stock take. Tomorrow will be church, then after church will join Zionist for Old Folks Home outreach. The Lord be my strength...
Monday, December 11, 2006
Christmas is around the corner
11th December 2006,
1.30pm Monday. It's my lunch time, but I skipped again. Wanna loose weight but didn't have the discipline to exercise. Unlike the previous few months ago, I used to go hiking every weekend with church friends, but now after the haze incidence and raining season, we stopped the activities. The group now join Ballroom dance: Thierry, Ai Ling, Benji, Yen Shiang, Phei, etc. At least they have another new interest. I remember I only join the dance once, not purposely, but being dragged by Matt. I just don't feel comfortable holding guy to dance, and the close body contact and the touch, yucks!....Yeah yeah, I know I am conservative, very conservative. Well, I might join with future husband tho'...Hahaha...
Today pretty slow. Monday blues- need to warm up engine for the week ahead, or maybe on holidays mood- just can't wait for Christmas. Yeah, I'm looking forward for Christmas, even tho' not involving in Christmas program. I just spoke to Adrian, one of my vendor from 1st Assembly. Their church will be organising Christmas Drama on the 21st and 22nd Dec, and he will be one of the actor. As for EPCC, we will be involving in Combined Churches Open House at Fort Cornalis this 17th. EPCC incharged of opening performance. Other than that, there will be caroling in a few shopping complex- Queensbay, Gurney, Prangin. I didn't involve in any of these. CG Christmas outreach will be this weekends, I'll be joining 2 CGs Outreach, 16th (my ex-CG, lead by Benji) and 20th Abundance CG at Pr. Mei's hse. Will be inviting 2 non-Christian friends to the Party.
I also plan to take leave on 26th and 27th December, just after Christmas, maybe wanna paint house. Only plan, but still depends on whether I have time to really do it. Depends on mood...2006 gonna be over soon. This coming year 2007, I have long list of resolution, unlike 2006. It's time to make resolution and lay my plans before God...believing God for a great 2007, a year full of surprises and many many challenges- to grow in my walk with God.
1.30pm Monday. It's my lunch time, but I skipped again. Wanna loose weight but didn't have the discipline to exercise. Unlike the previous few months ago, I used to go hiking every weekend with church friends, but now after the haze incidence and raining season, we stopped the activities. The group now join Ballroom dance: Thierry, Ai Ling, Benji, Yen Shiang, Phei, etc. At least they have another new interest. I remember I only join the dance once, not purposely, but being dragged by Matt. I just don't feel comfortable holding guy to dance, and the close body contact and the touch, yucks!....Yeah yeah, I know I am conservative, very conservative. Well, I might join with future husband tho'...Hahaha...
Today pretty slow. Monday blues- need to warm up engine for the week ahead, or maybe on holidays mood- just can't wait for Christmas. Yeah, I'm looking forward for Christmas, even tho' not involving in Christmas program. I just spoke to Adrian, one of my vendor from 1st Assembly. Their church will be organising Christmas Drama on the 21st and 22nd Dec, and he will be one of the actor. As for EPCC, we will be involving in Combined Churches Open House at Fort Cornalis this 17th. EPCC incharged of opening performance. Other than that, there will be caroling in a few shopping complex- Queensbay, Gurney, Prangin. I didn't involve in any of these. CG Christmas outreach will be this weekends, I'll be joining 2 CGs Outreach, 16th (my ex-CG, lead by Benji) and 20th Abundance CG at Pr. Mei's hse. Will be inviting 2 non-Christian friends to the Party.
I also plan to take leave on 26th and 27th December, just after Christmas, maybe wanna paint house. Only plan, but still depends on whether I have time to really do it. Depends on mood...2006 gonna be over soon. This coming year 2007, I have long list of resolution, unlike 2006. It's time to make resolution and lay my plans before God...believing God for a great 2007, a year full of surprises and many many challenges- to grow in my walk with God.
Monday, December 04, 2006
December...Autumn should be ending soon
4th December 2006,
5.45pm Monday. Today pretty busy. Still in the hospital. In-Patient load seems increasing, even with extra staff doesn't seem to help, wonder what's wrong there...Didn't have the time to write blog. Usually write blog after work, but last few days, had been fetching Cindy back after work. I hire a new staff, she's Johnny's sister: Cindy Chan. Kelvin gonna be back to school soon, need more staff. Choong still on un-paid leave, I think she's now in US, hope she able to have breakthrough in whatever she is experiencing now. Work is alright, at times I do feel very inadequate, to handle staff. With the slow learner, with the inefficient staff, with those like to push job responsibilities, with those likes to complaint; with so many different characters, I will never able to handle without His Grace. I pray that God will help me to be firm when I needed to be firm, and to be flexible when necessary. It's time for Performance Appraisal, which I hated most. It's never easy to point out bad performance, some may not accept it, but it's not easy to to reaffirm and praise the strength. It's all need wisdom, how to say, what to say..and I know I'm very weak in expressing my view.
It's so complex, I discovered that human is so complex, and I'm not exceptional. Sometimes, I don't understand why I can behave as such, and how I response to issues. With different incidences, God slowly reveal to me about my characters- my strengths and weaknesses, I learn, and learn, and learn...to focus on my strength, and to use my strength and accept my weaknesses and take constructive action to improve myself. It just need so much of 'slaps' to wake the sleeping giant up. And I notice that I like to compare myself with others surroundings, and strive to please man. Yeah, to please man and not God??!!...
Yesterday sermon was good. Pastor preached his heart out in the Life in Church, about the relationship in church- which will build ones up and which will tear anothers down, for healthy growing church. It's good sermon- pointing out the common problem in church, and also happened in the society. Happened in church and outside, but the difference is church have God, God to unite, God that bind us together.
I cried again. I can't sing during the worship. Suddenly the worship songs just so strong, the words just so strong, the tears just flow, like a pipe...'pancur keluar'...Hw the Lord's love amazed me...He did not wait for me to draw near to Him..but He came to seek and save the lost. I don't consider myself lost..but probably wandering, still in the wander land, wondering I ever will be back home again.. Yeah, the autumn should be ending soon. My life's season very weird. It's against the normal cycle- it's REVERSE. The Winter has gone, and now it's Autumn, and it gonna be over soon...Autumn time supposingly to be a time of rest, rejuvenating, recharge spiritually, so that in the next season..able to withstand. Yet, my autumn has been going very slow- slowing down and going in a comfort zone, complacency, and changing into a sleeping giant. Need huge SLAP, huge Awakening to rise up. It should be over soon. By end of the year, I will decide to settle down in CG, to involve more in CGs, church and people. Not just serving, not obligation, but out of love, out of passion, out of joy....The Autumn gonna be over, which season after Autumn, I wonder....
5.45pm Monday. Today pretty busy. Still in the hospital. In-Patient load seems increasing, even with extra staff doesn't seem to help, wonder what's wrong there...Didn't have the time to write blog. Usually write blog after work, but last few days, had been fetching Cindy back after work. I hire a new staff, she's Johnny's sister: Cindy Chan. Kelvin gonna be back to school soon, need more staff. Choong still on un-paid leave, I think she's now in US, hope she able to have breakthrough in whatever she is experiencing now. Work is alright, at times I do feel very inadequate, to handle staff. With the slow learner, with the inefficient staff, with those like to push job responsibilities, with those likes to complaint; with so many different characters, I will never able to handle without His Grace. I pray that God will help me to be firm when I needed to be firm, and to be flexible when necessary. It's time for Performance Appraisal, which I hated most. It's never easy to point out bad performance, some may not accept it, but it's not easy to to reaffirm and praise the strength. It's all need wisdom, how to say, what to say..and I know I'm very weak in expressing my view.
It's so complex, I discovered that human is so complex, and I'm not exceptional. Sometimes, I don't understand why I can behave as such, and how I response to issues. With different incidences, God slowly reveal to me about my characters- my strengths and weaknesses, I learn, and learn, and learn...to focus on my strength, and to use my strength and accept my weaknesses and take constructive action to improve myself. It just need so much of 'slaps' to wake the sleeping giant up. And I notice that I like to compare myself with others surroundings, and strive to please man. Yeah, to please man and not God??!!...
Yesterday sermon was good. Pastor preached his heart out in the Life in Church, about the relationship in church- which will build ones up and which will tear anothers down, for healthy growing church. It's good sermon- pointing out the common problem in church, and also happened in the society. Happened in church and outside, but the difference is church have God, God to unite, God that bind us together.
I cried again. I can't sing during the worship. Suddenly the worship songs just so strong, the words just so strong, the tears just flow, like a pipe...'pancur keluar'...Hw the Lord's love amazed me...He did not wait for me to draw near to Him..but He came to seek and save the lost. I don't consider myself lost..but probably wandering, still in the wander land, wondering I ever will be back home again.. Yeah, the autumn should be ending soon. My life's season very weird. It's against the normal cycle- it's REVERSE. The Winter has gone, and now it's Autumn, and it gonna be over soon...Autumn time supposingly to be a time of rest, rejuvenating, recharge spiritually, so that in the next season..able to withstand. Yet, my autumn has been going very slow- slowing down and going in a comfort zone, complacency, and changing into a sleeping giant. Need huge SLAP, huge Awakening to rise up. It should be over soon. By end of the year, I will decide to settle down in CG, to involve more in CGs, church and people. Not just serving, not obligation, but out of love, out of passion, out of joy....The Autumn gonna be over, which season after Autumn, I wonder....
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I'm banned!!
29th November 2006,
4.30pm, yeah yeah, time's out- can go back home. As usual, doing my stuff before log off. Today is normal day- routine work, quite stable. My computer just been configured. My IT has just reformat the computer and reinstall the whole system. And they add in another VNC Server, which can able to go into my computer for viewing and editing. The worse is, they had just banned all the chat user, and placed firewall on the system, not allowing to download yahoo messager or MSN. That is terrible! I've lost all my Chat history!! Sob sob... It's all because of the auditor. We have internal auditor auditing Accounts, IT and Pharmacy Department. They even suggest to me to install CCTV INSIDE the Pharmacy department, the place we preparing drugs.
Has been quite some time did not update the blog. Noticed that I have some many postings, about hundreds over, and I've just change to newer version blog- Beta version. Has not able to post much recently, server quite slow and nothing much to share, or maybe over concious on what to share... I used www.iloveim.com now, instead of log in individual Yahoo or MSN. Can't grumble much, at least I can still chat thru' the Web Msger. The problem with this chat is I can't able to save y chat history, and can't leave offline msg. And, can't about to chage my nick and put up posting. Other than that, it's the same.
I had a bad neck pain today. Fell down yesterday, so foolish! Usually will charge my HP when I arrived home. Placed it in the other small room, then will stay in the living room. Mum mopped the floor and it's wet. I run to the small room when I hear phone ringing, and slipped down, flat, knocked my head. It's so painful, can feel the swollen on my head. Today it got worse, got stiff neck, and went to see Dr. Gerald for medication. Whole body aching now. Lesson to learn:- 1.) Be cool, don't run! Let the phone ringing...2.) Obey mum: She said be careful..and I still run :PP
4.30pm, yeah yeah, time's out- can go back home. As usual, doing my stuff before log off. Today is normal day- routine work, quite stable. My computer just been configured. My IT has just reformat the computer and reinstall the whole system. And they add in another VNC Server, which can able to go into my computer for viewing and editing. The worse is, they had just banned all the chat user, and placed firewall on the system, not allowing to download yahoo messager or MSN. That is terrible! I've lost all my Chat history!! Sob sob... It's all because of the auditor. We have internal auditor auditing Accounts, IT and Pharmacy Department. They even suggest to me to install CCTV INSIDE the Pharmacy department, the place we preparing drugs.
Has been quite some time did not update the blog. Noticed that I have some many postings, about hundreds over, and I've just change to newer version blog- Beta version. Has not able to post much recently, server quite slow and nothing much to share, or maybe over concious on what to share... I used www.iloveim.com now, instead of log in individual Yahoo or MSN. Can't grumble much, at least I can still chat thru' the Web Msger. The problem with this chat is I can't able to save y chat history, and can't leave offline msg. And, can't about to chage my nick and put up posting. Other than that, it's the same.
I had a bad neck pain today. Fell down yesterday, so foolish! Usually will charge my HP when I arrived home. Placed it in the other small room, then will stay in the living room. Mum mopped the floor and it's wet. I run to the small room when I hear phone ringing, and slipped down, flat, knocked my head. It's so painful, can feel the swollen on my head. Today it got worse, got stiff neck, and went to see Dr. Gerald for medication. Whole body aching now. Lesson to learn:- 1.) Be cool, don't run! Let the phone ringing...2.) Obey mum: She said be careful..and I still run :PP
Almost 4 years in GMC, it's time to think of some other change. Thinking of going into MBA part-time. Ganesh and Mei Jen, and Daniel and lot's more people taking MBA as part time. Wondering whether I can cope with the schedule and finance is another concern. According to Daniel, for UniSa (University South Australia) need at least RM30K to complete the Master Program. Thinking...contemplating, and waiting. Man can plan, but ultimately it's God who direct our path. Am in comfort zone for a while, probably it's time to get my hands into something, to learn new things, acquire new skills, or keep myself efficient. Getting into comfort zone for long time, have to do something about it. I went to Ipoh last weekend, spend 2 days there- getting to know Gavin more. I remember he said, we got to be ready to relocate, to be ready for change. Changes is good- it enriched us with different knowledge, widen our horizon and thoughts deepen. It's time, I should do something about it, and not let it wait and linger and move no where...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
It is all in You!
14th November 2006,
5.00pm Tuesday. Waiting for Dzung and Ming Ha. They came to follow up with Dr. Gan and will follow me back. They will be going back Vietnam tomorrow, very fast. Work has been busy, not physically busy- more of the emotional and mental stress- with a lot complaints going around. I was not well, keep on nose bleed. It shouln't be the weather, probably the mental stress. Mum was sick for the past 2 weeks- cough and vomiting. She hardly eat, afraid that she will get vomitted each time food goes in her GI. I feel very burdened especially yesteday- with stress in work, then mum's condition add on to my worries. Even with this little little things I get stresses so easily. If anything major ever happen to mum, I really don't know what to do, what to expect. Well, I shouldn't have been so negative.
Sharing some of my concerns with Benji. He tries his best to encourage me, sharing all his experiences and the Words and promises of God. I can see so much gift in him, a good preacher and teacher...potential Pastor material. The sharing is very much powerful- and it is all true- very biblical. After so much of sharings, suddenly Benji paused, and said " I know that you know all these. It's all in You!" I guess he must have given up counselling me, or maybe I don't actually need counselling. yeah, I just need someone to be there and listen, and say "It's ok Shirley, it's okay". Or a person to just sit by my side, and give a pat on my shoulder, saying "Don't worry, I'm here for you". But still, I appreciate Benji so much. I'm always encouraged by his testimony, his openess in sharings of his past and always putting God first in everything. Always pointing me to Christ- the right way. Even it's not easy way, but always the right way, always the truth. He only speak what is true- the truth. Thank you, Benji!
5.00pm Tuesday. Waiting for Dzung and Ming Ha. They came to follow up with Dr. Gan and will follow me back. They will be going back Vietnam tomorrow, very fast. Work has been busy, not physically busy- more of the emotional and mental stress- with a lot complaints going around. I was not well, keep on nose bleed. It shouln't be the weather, probably the mental stress. Mum was sick for the past 2 weeks- cough and vomiting. She hardly eat, afraid that she will get vomitted each time food goes in her GI. I feel very burdened especially yesteday- with stress in work, then mum's condition add on to my worries. Even with this little little things I get stresses so easily. If anything major ever happen to mum, I really don't know what to do, what to expect. Well, I shouldn't have been so negative.
Sharing some of my concerns with Benji. He tries his best to encourage me, sharing all his experiences and the Words and promises of God. I can see so much gift in him, a good preacher and teacher...potential Pastor material. The sharing is very much powerful- and it is all true- very biblical. After so much of sharings, suddenly Benji paused, and said " I know that you know all these. It's all in You!" I guess he must have given up counselling me, or maybe I don't actually need counselling. yeah, I just need someone to be there and listen, and say "It's ok Shirley, it's okay". Or a person to just sit by my side, and give a pat on my shoulder, saying "Don't worry, I'm here for you". But still, I appreciate Benji so much. I'm always encouraged by his testimony, his openess in sharings of his past and always putting God first in everything. Always pointing me to Christ- the right way. Even it's not easy way, but always the right way, always the truth. He only speak what is true- the truth. Thank you, Benji!
Friday, November 10, 2006
I REFUSE TO BE DISCOURAGED
I REFUSE TO BE DISCOURAGED
I refuse to be discouraged,
To be sad, or to cry;
I refuse to be downhearted,
And here''s the reason why...
I have a God who''s mighty,
Who''s sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who loves me,
And I am on His team.
He is all-wise and powerful,
Jesus is His name;
Though everything is changeable,
My God remains the same,
My God knows all that''s happening;
Beginning to the end,
His presence is my comfort,
He is my dearest friend.
When sickness comes to weaken me,
To bring my head down low,
I call upon my mighty God;
Into His arms I go.
When circumstances threaten
To rob me from my peace;
He draws me close unto His breast,
Where all my strivings cease.
And when my heart melts within me,
And weakness takes control;
He gathers me into His arms,
He soothes my heart and soul.
The great "I AM" is with me,
My life is in His hand,
The "Son of God" is my hope,
It''s in His strength I stand.
I refuse to be defeated,
My eyes are on my God
He has promised to be with me,
As through this life I trod.
I''m looking past all my circumstances,
To Heaven''s throne above;
My prayers have reached the heart of God,
I''m resting in His love.
I give God thanks in everything,
My eyes are on His face;
The battle''s His,
the victory''s mine;
He''ll help me win the race.
I refuse to be discouraged,
To be sad, or to cry;
I refuse to be downhearted,
And here''s the reason why...
I have a God who''s mighty,
Who''s sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who loves me,
And I am on His team.
He is all-wise and powerful,
Jesus is His name;
Though everything is changeable,
My God remains the same,
My God knows all that''s happening;
Beginning to the end,
His presence is my comfort,
He is my dearest friend.
When sickness comes to weaken me,
To bring my head down low,
I call upon my mighty God;
Into His arms I go.
When circumstances threaten
To rob me from my peace;
He draws me close unto His breast,
Where all my strivings cease.
And when my heart melts within me,
And weakness takes control;
He gathers me into His arms,
He soothes my heart and soul.
The great "I AM" is with me,
My life is in His hand,
The "Son of God" is my hope,
It''s in His strength I stand.
I refuse to be defeated,
My eyes are on my God
He has promised to be with me,
As through this life I trod.
I''m looking past all my circumstances,
To Heaven''s throne above;
My prayers have reached the heart of God,
I''m resting in His love.
I give God thanks in everything,
My eyes are on His face;
The battle''s His,
the victory''s mine;
He''ll help me win the race.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
God's Message to Woman
God's Message to Woman
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, andmy eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes -- don't change them. Your lips -- how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep; I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.
Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of me.
Man represents my image -- woman, my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.So man -- "treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile". In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, andmy eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes -- don't change them. Your lips -- how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep; I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.
Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of me.
Man represents my image -- woman, my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.So man -- "treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile". In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Speechless
8th November 2006,
5.25pm, Wednesday. I was on leave for 2 days- went to KL on Saturday for holidays+seminar. It's partly sponsored by BMS, and I took the opportunity to travel there earlier to catch up with frens- Lee Hua (my junior), Kawai, my SAHC schoolmate (Jenny, Kok Keong, Sim Wooi, Lay Hoon), Angie (my ex-CG mate). It's tiring journey, coz need a lot of travelling, frm one LRT to another, and depending on my fren to pick me up from station. But overall, it's worthwhile- to catch up.
Has been a while didn't write in blog. Blog supposed to be opened for all to read, but initially that wasn't my intention. My blog has now replaced my life journals, a place for me to share my heart out- be it happiness, frustration or anger- full of emotions. I called it Dew's Season of Life. A season of laughters, a season of sadness, season of challenges and season of defeat- it's very transparent, overflow spontaneously- without any concious how people look at me. Yes, even now- I'm transparent, but I guess a few people has gotten my blog- which sometimes made me overconcious, I don't wanna impress ppl with the blog, or making prejudice, or anything that will stumble others. As the time goes, I feel that the blog has diluted...Probably it's time to make a closure and start another new blog:P Thinkig what title to post today.
"Speechless". Period. That's my Title. Was pretty surprised and speechless to hear something today. My ever first time - a sincere and honest word from a friend. It's comforting and feel nice, it's warm and calm. I probably should have notice and see it coming, but I just put it off my mind- thinking that it's not possible, I'm just too sensitive. Well, for a girl- it's a nice word, pleasant to ear and comforting to the soul. But, for some- probably it's the other way round. So, now that I know- what is next? How should I take it to another level? Mixed feeling, happy and a bit scared...just speechless.
Lord, guard my heart for it's the wellspring of life. Protect my heart, help me not to lean on my own understanding but to trust You with all my heart..with all my heart- I will trust You, for You will make everything beautiful in Your time. I pray for Your leadership...that I will not walk out of Your will, but walk in Your perfect will. Take over Lord, I surrender this heart to You, Amen!
5.25pm, Wednesday. I was on leave for 2 days- went to KL on Saturday for holidays+seminar. It's partly sponsored by BMS, and I took the opportunity to travel there earlier to catch up with frens- Lee Hua (my junior), Kawai, my SAHC schoolmate (Jenny, Kok Keong, Sim Wooi, Lay Hoon), Angie (my ex-CG mate). It's tiring journey, coz need a lot of travelling, frm one LRT to another, and depending on my fren to pick me up from station. But overall, it's worthwhile- to catch up.
Has been a while didn't write in blog. Blog supposed to be opened for all to read, but initially that wasn't my intention. My blog has now replaced my life journals, a place for me to share my heart out- be it happiness, frustration or anger- full of emotions. I called it Dew's Season of Life. A season of laughters, a season of sadness, season of challenges and season of defeat- it's very transparent, overflow spontaneously- without any concious how people look at me. Yes, even now- I'm transparent, but I guess a few people has gotten my blog- which sometimes made me overconcious, I don't wanna impress ppl with the blog, or making prejudice, or anything that will stumble others. As the time goes, I feel that the blog has diluted...Probably it's time to make a closure and start another new blog:P Thinkig what title to post today.
"Speechless". Period. That's my Title. Was pretty surprised and speechless to hear something today. My ever first time - a sincere and honest word from a friend. It's comforting and feel nice, it's warm and calm. I probably should have notice and see it coming, but I just put it off my mind- thinking that it's not possible, I'm just too sensitive. Well, for a girl- it's a nice word, pleasant to ear and comforting to the soul. But, for some- probably it's the other way round. So, now that I know- what is next? How should I take it to another level? Mixed feeling, happy and a bit scared...just speechless.
Lord, guard my heart for it's the wellspring of life. Protect my heart, help me not to lean on my own understanding but to trust You with all my heart..with all my heart- I will trust You, for You will make everything beautiful in Your time. I pray for Your leadership...that I will not walk out of Your will, but walk in Your perfect will. Take over Lord, I surrender this heart to You, Amen!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Spiritual Dryness??..or a season of change?
23th October 2006,
3.46pm Monday. Most of my frens' who worked in the factory off today- coz today is replacement holiday for Sat-Deepavalli. I'm working. Today I wear my new blouse to work, any my new hair style :PP Yeah, I've cut my hair and bought a new blouse. Not high load- not much patients, but 3 of my staff was off today (1 on-leave, 2 on Emergency Leave). It's saddening seeing people take Emergency Leave unnecessarily, I will bring this issue in the next Department Meeting. Tomorrow will be Holidays again, can't wait. Not much plan for the holidays. Sister went back last night. Wen is now staying with me, in the small room. She said my hse more quiet compared to Kedah's hse, and much more cooling, so it's good environmet for her to study. She's gonna sit for SPM exam next month...
Is it a Spiritual Dryness or something else? I'm kinda moody today. Don't really wanna talk much. Jerry came just now, updating me on the Prudential new Upgrading Scheme...we disscussed and then I shared about church and my lost of passion..or so called "spiritual dryness". Yeah, it's for me to identify tht. A choice! Or is it just a season, a cycle for me to go through? Sometimes, I can just feel so tired of life, lost all the passion for life and people.....Yeah, Jerry was right, I need to go back to the Word again- and to think of what God has given to me, what God has blessed me with, rather than thinking about my lack. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroyed, but He comes to give life, life to abundance...I need to renew my thoughts, with things that is pleasant, things that's praise worthy, or is it that I've been thinking too much negative things?
Father, forgive me for the lack of trust. You are ever powerful, and able to do the impossibles...help me to look above and not downwards, help me not to confine myself on the my own weaknesses but to grow with Your strength. In all and all, I'm wonderfully and perfectly made.....in Your image, Amen!
3.46pm Monday. Most of my frens' who worked in the factory off today- coz today is replacement holiday for Sat-Deepavalli. I'm working. Today I wear my new blouse to work, any my new hair style :PP Yeah, I've cut my hair and bought a new blouse. Not high load- not much patients, but 3 of my staff was off today (1 on-leave, 2 on Emergency Leave). It's saddening seeing people take Emergency Leave unnecessarily, I will bring this issue in the next Department Meeting. Tomorrow will be Holidays again, can't wait. Not much plan for the holidays. Sister went back last night. Wen is now staying with me, in the small room. She said my hse more quiet compared to Kedah's hse, and much more cooling, so it's good environmet for her to study. She's gonna sit for SPM exam next month...
Is it a Spiritual Dryness or something else? I'm kinda moody today. Don't really wanna talk much. Jerry came just now, updating me on the Prudential new Upgrading Scheme...we disscussed and then I shared about church and my lost of passion..or so called "spiritual dryness". Yeah, it's for me to identify tht. A choice! Or is it just a season, a cycle for me to go through? Sometimes, I can just feel so tired of life, lost all the passion for life and people.....Yeah, Jerry was right, I need to go back to the Word again- and to think of what God has given to me, what God has blessed me with, rather than thinking about my lack. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroyed, but He comes to give life, life to abundance...I need to renew my thoughts, with things that is pleasant, things that's praise worthy, or is it that I've been thinking too much negative things?
Father, forgive me for the lack of trust. You are ever powerful, and able to do the impossibles...help me to look above and not downwards, help me not to confine myself on the my own weaknesses but to grow with Your strength. In all and all, I'm wonderfully and perfectly made.....in Your image, Amen!
Friday, October 20, 2006
Holidays' Mood
20th October 2006,
5.13pm, Friday. As usual the hospital is so packed, Pharmacy staff is exhausted- to speed up the work, they rushing through, but quality is not good- quality reflected to patient, how we're rushing through in order to clear the queue. Wow, tired. Has been on holidays last 2 days. Time off on Wednesday, then Leave on Thurs. Went back hometown, fetching sis and mum back. It's really tiring- exercising my muscle cleaning up the house. The old house full of thick dust, and the smell was terrible. Sister clean upstairs, I clean downstairs, mum cleaning the 2 washroom. Guess what? 3 ladies- Iron lady cleaning house, shift heavy stuff here and there- tiring day, wish Dad around, or Brother around to help out. What to do? No man, lady have to squeeze hard our sweat to get things done.
A bit weary this few days. Work has been tight, staff keep complaining too much job- patient load increased tremendously yet HR has not help to recruit staff. Stayed back for lunch and even after work to relief work. I am tired too. Yeah, crave for holidays. Hurrayyyhhh...tomorrow is Deepavalli, and it's holidays- for 2 days (Sat and Sun) then Monday another peak time of work- the off again. Don't have much plan for the holidays. Sis will be around till Sunday, just relaxing at home. I like to stay home, most of my free time will be stay home, getting my staff arranged and mayb go shopping. Hmm...yeah, it's about time to get new clothes. Usually I like to shop for working attire, mainly clothing- coz..unlike other staff that have uniform, I don't have uniform, got to wear own dress. Gonna be jam later evening- so I'm signing off now, and go home- Farewell!
5.13pm, Friday. As usual the hospital is so packed, Pharmacy staff is exhausted- to speed up the work, they rushing through, but quality is not good- quality reflected to patient, how we're rushing through in order to clear the queue. Wow, tired. Has been on holidays last 2 days. Time off on Wednesday, then Leave on Thurs. Went back hometown, fetching sis and mum back. It's really tiring- exercising my muscle cleaning up the house. The old house full of thick dust, and the smell was terrible. Sister clean upstairs, I clean downstairs, mum cleaning the 2 washroom. Guess what? 3 ladies- Iron lady cleaning house, shift heavy stuff here and there- tiring day, wish Dad around, or Brother around to help out. What to do? No man, lady have to squeeze hard our sweat to get things done.
A bit weary this few days. Work has been tight, staff keep complaining too much job- patient load increased tremendously yet HR has not help to recruit staff. Stayed back for lunch and even after work to relief work. I am tired too. Yeah, crave for holidays. Hurrayyyhhh...tomorrow is Deepavalli, and it's holidays- for 2 days (Sat and Sun) then Monday another peak time of work- the off again. Don't have much plan for the holidays. Sis will be around till Sunday, just relaxing at home. I like to stay home, most of my free time will be stay home, getting my staff arranged and mayb go shopping. Hmm...yeah, it's about time to get new clothes. Usually I like to shop for working attire, mainly clothing- coz..unlike other staff that have uniform, I don't have uniform, got to wear own dress. Gonna be jam later evening- so I'm signing off now, and go home- Farewell!
Monday, October 16, 2006
So tired, very busy- e-THIS doesn't seem to speed the work
16th October 2006,
6pm. Ohhh..I'm so so tired, have not take lunch or dinner, only breakfast. The patient load was real high, and the system doesn't seem to improve the waiting time. So many patient complaining waiting for very long. My staff has been tired, very tired- stress. Hmm...e-THIS doesn't prove to help, probably still in the familiarization stage. A lot of things to change. It seem that I'm the onely person trying to bang in the IT asking for system enhancement, getting better features for user. I think IT will be hating me for being so agressive. Write a mail out to IT, cc-ing the GM and Finance, hopefully with this I can get what I want, not really what I want, but it's more to get a better feature for the users' benefit. Oh ..I'm just so tired, and I need a break. Will be taking leave this Wed and Thurs, hopefully with my absence the Pharmacy will not have much of problems.
Overall, the week has been usual. Sunday service has been great- it talks about Dreams. God's people should able to dream big. Everything start with a dream. Maybe my dreams had been crushed long ago, and I don't dare to dream anymore. Probably I've expect much and put high hope, then it just crushed, broken...all void. I can't remember the incidences. God remembers all, and I have to start dreaming now. Start trusting Him, the hope of Glory- the One who will never disappointed us. Have to start dreaming, start to write down my resolution, changes I wanna see in me- and believing the dreams will become reality...someday.
6pm. Ohhh..I'm so so tired, have not take lunch or dinner, only breakfast. The patient load was real high, and the system doesn't seem to improve the waiting time. So many patient complaining waiting for very long. My staff has been tired, very tired- stress. Hmm...e-THIS doesn't prove to help, probably still in the familiarization stage. A lot of things to change. It seem that I'm the onely person trying to bang in the IT asking for system enhancement, getting better features for user. I think IT will be hating me for being so agressive. Write a mail out to IT, cc-ing the GM and Finance, hopefully with this I can get what I want, not really what I want, but it's more to get a better feature for the users' benefit. Oh ..I'm just so tired, and I need a break. Will be taking leave this Wed and Thurs, hopefully with my absence the Pharmacy will not have much of problems.
Overall, the week has been usual. Sunday service has been great- it talks about Dreams. God's people should able to dream big. Everything start with a dream. Maybe my dreams had been crushed long ago, and I don't dare to dream anymore. Probably I've expect much and put high hope, then it just crushed, broken...all void. I can't remember the incidences. God remembers all, and I have to start dreaming now. Start trusting Him, the hope of Glory- the One who will never disappointed us. Have to start dreaming, start to write down my resolution, changes I wanna see in me- and believing the dreams will become reality...someday.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Busy week..happening
12th October 2006,
6.11pm Thursday. Hmm, uhhmmm..aha, yeap I'm still in hospital. Wait for Jon, Jason and Daniel to come to visit Benji's mum. Yeap, a while didn't write in blog, a lot things happened, very busy after e-THIS Live, a lot of problems, very rigid, a lot of features can't able to ascess. Staff has been very tired working OT for the pass 2 weeks time. Heard a lot of complaints as well, indeed very busy. Has been helping in dispensing during lunch time, GMC really bz, never ending patient-load.
Basically nothing much to update. Work- busy busy. 2 major renovations still pending- CDR Class 10,000 Cleanroom. Yup, we are gonna have new cleanroom for Cytotoxic Drug reconstitution, hopefully by Feb next year. Has been liase with the contractor on the specification for cleanroom. Our hospital has own constructor/vendor which is not experience in building cleanroom. I'm pretty worried that they will not able to fulfill the required spec. Expressed my concerns to Mr. Koh, feel inadequate in dealing in such big project and decision. Prayfully things gonna work out well- and this gonna be my real baby. 2nd construction is my Pharmacy front counter. Gleneagles is one of the few hospitals with high class layout, and the surrondings as if it's a Hotel rather than a hospital. And the bills count too. We gonna have open-counter concept, to have a closer contact with patient, less barriers during dispensing and counselling. The interior designer has passed me the plan, gonna be very nice, with multiple colour-fabric as backdrop. I have high expectation, hopefully this gonna work.
Family- hmm...nothing much too, sis will be coming back this 18th and probably I will take time off and leave to follow her to Alor Setar, very rush, very tired, hoping for the best. Oh ya, I have visitors at home. 2 Vietnamese couple: Dzung and Ming Ha staying with me for 1 1/2 months. They're very nice couple- a missionary that travel around, ministering to Vietnamese outreach.
Church- I didn't involve much. Only CG, church, usher. Abundance CG has taken the ownership to pray and follow up a Young Christian who met with accident pass weeks ago. He's only 23, and admitted in GMC for a while. Cheah Hup Yee, that's his name. We have been visiting him and praying for him for speedy recovering, and this Fri he's going for another operation. The Dr. said gonna amputate his 2nd and 3rd toes, due to necrosis. We're praying, that God will restore his toes. Benji's mum admitted to GMC 2 days ago, and praise God, she's getting better- out from ICU, and doctor has rule out the possibility of CHF or ARF, and has confirmed all the symptoms of difficulties of breathing, and oedema is due to Hypothyroidism (Myxedema). And according to Dr. Srinivas, that is easily treated with hormone replacement. Praise God..
6.11pm Thursday. Hmm, uhhmmm..aha, yeap I'm still in hospital. Wait for Jon, Jason and Daniel to come to visit Benji's mum. Yeap, a while didn't write in blog, a lot things happened, very busy after e-THIS Live, a lot of problems, very rigid, a lot of features can't able to ascess. Staff has been very tired working OT for the pass 2 weeks time. Heard a lot of complaints as well, indeed very busy. Has been helping in dispensing during lunch time, GMC really bz, never ending patient-load.
Basically nothing much to update. Work- busy busy. 2 major renovations still pending- CDR Class 10,000 Cleanroom. Yup, we are gonna have new cleanroom for Cytotoxic Drug reconstitution, hopefully by Feb next year. Has been liase with the contractor on the specification for cleanroom. Our hospital has own constructor/vendor which is not experience in building cleanroom. I'm pretty worried that they will not able to fulfill the required spec. Expressed my concerns to Mr. Koh, feel inadequate in dealing in such big project and decision. Prayfully things gonna work out well- and this gonna be my real baby. 2nd construction is my Pharmacy front counter. Gleneagles is one of the few hospitals with high class layout, and the surrondings as if it's a Hotel rather than a hospital. And the bills count too. We gonna have open-counter concept, to have a closer contact with patient, less barriers during dispensing and counselling. The interior designer has passed me the plan, gonna be very nice, with multiple colour-fabric as backdrop. I have high expectation, hopefully this gonna work.
Family- hmm...nothing much too, sis will be coming back this 18th and probably I will take time off and leave to follow her to Alor Setar, very rush, very tired, hoping for the best. Oh ya, I have visitors at home. 2 Vietnamese couple: Dzung and Ming Ha staying with me for 1 1/2 months. They're very nice couple- a missionary that travel around, ministering to Vietnamese outreach.
Church- I didn't involve much. Only CG, church, usher. Abundance CG has taken the ownership to pray and follow up a Young Christian who met with accident pass weeks ago. He's only 23, and admitted in GMC for a while. Cheah Hup Yee, that's his name. We have been visiting him and praying for him for speedy recovering, and this Fri he's going for another operation. The Dr. said gonna amputate his 2nd and 3rd toes, due to necrosis. We're praying, that God will restore his toes. Benji's mum admitted to GMC 2 days ago, and praise God, she's getting better- out from ICU, and doctor has rule out the possibility of CHF or ARF, and has confirmed all the symptoms of difficulties of breathing, and oedema is due to Hypothyroidism (Myxedema). And according to Dr. Srinivas, that is easily treated with hormone replacement. Praise God..
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
e-THIS On-LIVE
3th October 2006,
5.57pm Tuesday. Today is 3rd Day of LIVE. 1st Day is on Sunday, a bit hazy. 2nd Day-Monday: piled up with a lot prescriptions, long waiting time. But today 3rd day things getting better- able to anticipate the problems and had solve main issues. Now there're 4 staff working. Before Live is only 2 staff, now increase the manpower till the familarization of system. Praise God, things is well. We spent 1.5 million for the entire e-Total Health Information System (e-THIS). Previously is on a unix system, now a web based. It's pretty difficult for users like us to entering data. The system is good, but very much rigid- on Oracle, not much flexibility, a lot of controls. But I think it's just the matter of time, for us to get use to it. I've put my best effort for the Master Database, with the changing of coding and restructuring the entire Drug Formulary, putting things in orderly manner, hopefully it will last for long. Yes, I am anticipating better advancement ahead- for the system..giving my best.
Hmmm..what other updates? Nothing much,..yeah, I'm playing again. Practising my guitar again. Can feel my left hand-fingertips alredy harden. It's painful, but a refreshing time to sing unto the Lord a new song. I played in Jon's CG last 2 weeks- but doesn't sound good. I got to learn more new chords. Jon emailed me this morning- follow upping my progress I guess- whether hv I decide to settle down in Abundance CG. I've been joining the Cell most of the weeks..probably 60% will settle down. But deep in my heart I still afraid to give any answer, probably with the fear of serving with obligation again. I don't want to go back to the same motion I'm in past time. I need more time. There's only ONE thing I wanna do now- to get back track with God, to grow in His Word, have a consistent Communion with Him, and building up the Inner-tances, not by my own strength, but His strength that enable me. Falling in Love with Him again....that's all I desire now...
5.57pm Tuesday. Today is 3rd Day of LIVE. 1st Day is on Sunday, a bit hazy. 2nd Day-Monday: piled up with a lot prescriptions, long waiting time. But today 3rd day things getting better- able to anticipate the problems and had solve main issues. Now there're 4 staff working. Before Live is only 2 staff, now increase the manpower till the familarization of system. Praise God, things is well. We spent 1.5 million for the entire e-Total Health Information System (e-THIS). Previously is on a unix system, now a web based. It's pretty difficult for users like us to entering data. The system is good, but very much rigid- on Oracle, not much flexibility, a lot of controls. But I think it's just the matter of time, for us to get use to it. I've put my best effort for the Master Database, with the changing of coding and restructuring the entire Drug Formulary, putting things in orderly manner, hopefully it will last for long. Yes, I am anticipating better advancement ahead- for the system..giving my best.
Hmmm..what other updates? Nothing much,..yeah, I'm playing again. Practising my guitar again. Can feel my left hand-fingertips alredy harden. It's painful, but a refreshing time to sing unto the Lord a new song. I played in Jon's CG last 2 weeks- but doesn't sound good. I got to learn more new chords. Jon emailed me this morning- follow upping my progress I guess- whether hv I decide to settle down in Abundance CG. I've been joining the Cell most of the weeks..probably 60% will settle down. But deep in my heart I still afraid to give any answer, probably with the fear of serving with obligation again. I don't want to go back to the same motion I'm in past time. I need more time. There's only ONE thing I wanna do now- to get back track with God, to grow in His Word, have a consistent Communion with Him, and building up the Inner-tances, not by my own strength, but His strength that enable me. Falling in Love with Him again....that's all I desire now...
Monday, October 02, 2006
Forgive and Forget
Compiled and filed by Gavin Chin, Wesley Methodist Church, Ipoh
1) God is All-Knowing. He cannot impose self-amnesia on Himself.
The Myth of Forgetting the Harm (Dan Allender, professor of biblical counseling at Colorado ChristianUniversity, and a psychologist with the Institute of BiblicalCounseling in Denver)
A central misunderstanding that fuels many other myths about forgiveness is the notion that we are to "forgive and forget." The concept comes from two major passages: Ps. 25:7 and Jer. 31:34. The psalmist asks God not to remember the sins of his youth but instead to recall His mercy and love. In the Jeremiah passage God says: "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."Christians are told to be like God, who does not remember sin but forgives wickedness.
This would be a good principle to follow were it not for one fact: Goddoes remember sin. We are told that one day we will all appear before God and receive our rewards based on "the things done while in the body, whether good or bad" (2 Cor. 5:10). God remembers sin and righteousness, and He uses the data to determine our due.
When the writers of Scripture say God has taken away our sins "as far as the east is from the west" (Ps. 103:12) and will "hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea" (Mic. 7:19), they are using metaphors, not making statements of fact about God's loss of memory. A metaphor is like an impressionistic painting. It is overstated and dramatic; full of life, but not intended to be taken as a precise, literal representation of the scene painted. Imagine how absurd it would be if someone wanted to discover the actual place where the eastis divided from the west. In the same way, it is absurd to take the metaphor of God's forgetfulness and make it into a tangible requirement of forgiveness.
Let me state a working definition of forgiveness. To forgive another means to cancel a debt in order to provide (1) opportunity for repentance and (2) restoration of the broken relationship.
2) The true definition of Forgiveness (although this article was written by Neil in the context of marriage, it is applicable to allrelationships)
Why Forgive?
(Neil T. Anderson, Ph.D., author, founder and president emeritus of Freedom in Christ Ministries)
I was their last resort. Kurt and Mary (not their real names) called me in the middle of an argument.
"Dr. Anderson, you have to come and help us," Mary said angrily. After talking with her briefly, I was afraid if I didn't show up, their argument would result in domestic violence!
I'm making a house call police officers don't even like to make! I thought as I got into my car.
I played referee for a couple hours until they'd worn themselves out.This Christian couple had made enemies of each other. And forgivenesswas the furthest thing from what they wanted to discuss.
"I've listened to your arguments and frustrations," I started. "Here's the overriding reality. Before God we're responsible for our own character and the needs of the other person. You two have been ripping each other's character while looking out for your own needs. You'restruggling in your marriage because you're struggling in your spiritual life."
They were stunned. They hadn't connected their marital troubles with how they were doing in their individual relationships with God. Butthe Bible is clear: "If someone says, 'I love God,' but hates aChristian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don'tlove people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen?"(1 John 4:20, NLT).
What makes a Christian marriage work is to forgive from our hearts, just as Jesus forgave us. He did so by taking our sins upon himself. For us, forgiving others means we're willing to live with the consequences of our spouse's sins.
But why forgive?
1. To help us mature in our faith. God's intention in marriage is that we hang in there and grow up. In Colossians Paul writes: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (3:13).
It's in the context of committed relationships where we either learn to be kind, patient, and loving, or we blow apart. Loving each other inevitably means that we forgive each other—and keep on forgiving as Jesus instructed in Matthew 18:21-22. When Peter asked Jesus how manytimes we should forgive someone, "Up to seven times?" Jesus answered,"I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Yes, you may be tempted to keep a written log of how many times you'veforgiven your spouse! But Jesus was really saying we need to forgiveas many times as we are offended. It may seem unfair, especially when we feel as though we're the ones always doing the forgiving. Yet, forgiveness calls us to grow in character, which is ultimately most pleasing to God.
2. To keep bitterness away. In the close confinement of our homes, we'll say or do things that are offensive to our mate. Even the best of us will feel hurt, put down, or rejected. But if we let a root of bitterness spring up, the writer of Hebrews says that it will "defilemany" (12:15). Our unforgiveness grows to bitterness and affects everyone. It erupts in anger and brings disease, stress, pain.Bitterness is like swallowing a bottle of poison hoping the other person will die.
Excuses, excuses
So many times we know we should forgive, we understand what God says about the importance of forgiveness, but still we fight it. Here aresome excuses I hear from couples.
It's not fair. Of course it isn't, but we all live with the consequences of another person's sin. For instance, we're stuck with the consequence of Adam's and Eve's sin. And on the marriage front, since it's God's will that we remain married, the only real choice wehave is whether we want to live out those consequences of our spouse's sin in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.
But you don't know how bad he (or she) hurt me! That's not the issue. Your spouse may still hurt you. But forgiveness is how you stop the pain.
I have to heal first—then I'll be able to forgive. Research shows over and over that forgiveness brings healing, not the other way around.
But I want revenge! The writer of Hebrews reminds us, "For we know himwho said, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay'" (10:30). We have totrust that God will even the score and make things right.
Why should I let him (or her) off the hook? If you don't forgive,you're still hooked to that offense. You'll gain freedom from the past if you let your spouse off your hook. But remember, your spouse isn't off God's hook.
Where's the justice? It's in the cross. Jesus died for your sins, and my sins, and his sins, and her sins.
Sloppy forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn't mean we offer cheap grace, though. Here are two statements I often hear that offer faux forgiveness.
I'll just try to forget about it, because God forgot my sins. True,God remembers our sin no more. But we can't just will ourselves to forget. I like to think we remember because we can learn from it. The most important part of "forgetting" our spouse's sin is that we don't take the past and use it against our spouse—just as God doesn't use our sins against us (which means He remembers, but doesn't use our sins against us - Gavin). The one who keeps bringing up past offenses hasn't forgiven.
I'll keep forgiving even though he never changes, since that's what Jesus calls me to do. Yes, Jesus asks us to forgive over and over, but he never asks us to put up with wrong behavior. When Jesus forgave, hetold the person, "Go and sin no more." Part of offering grace is to set clear-cut boundaries that protect us from further abuse. Forgiving from our heart isn't being a punching bag. Although the Lord forgives, he doesn't tolerate sin, and neither should we.
True forgiveness
The closer we connect to God and understand the forgiveness he's given us, the more able we are to forgive our spouse. If we struggle withf orgiveness, we can pray something such as: "Lord, I forgive my husband for (list every offense that God brings to mind), because it made me feel (rejected, unwanted, judged, small). Heal my damaged emotions and bless my husband."
Remember, you're the only one who can keep yourself from being the person and spouse God created you to be. We don't just forgive the other person for his sake; we forgive for our own emotional, physical, and spiritual health. If you'll assume responsibility to grow inChrist, and forgive those around you, the family can be the kind ofenvironment where everybody wins.
3) Steps to Forgiveness
How to forgive
(Adapted from Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope. Revised edition (c) 2003 by Everett L. Worthington Jr. Used by permission of Inter Varsity Press)
Okay, we all know we should forgive—after all, that's what Christ commands us to do. But how exactly do we forgive?
1. Acknowledge the hurt. The first step is to allow yourself to say, Iwas hurt/offended when the person did/said this. Sometimes we deny the pain. We think, That hurt didn't matter. Instead of suppressing our feelings, we must come to grips with them. Instead of turning from the pain and anger, we must face them.
2. Gently confront. When a transgression occurs, ask for an explanation. Rather than saying, "You barbarian! You have the sensitivity of gravel. How could you do such a horrid thing to me? Don't you love me?" ask, "When you insulted me, I was surprised. You're usually very sensitive. Can you tell me what was going on?" This is more respectful and will usually keep the door open for genuine dialogue.
3. Pray. Sometimes recalling a hurt or offense can throw us into a tail spin. So here's what to pray for and about:
- to protect your mind, to focus on the forgiveness aspect rather than the negative thoughts
- for the Holy Spirit to be your comforter
- for a gift of empathy
It's difficult to empathize with someone who has hurt us. But we can ask God to work actively within us to help us see things from theother person's point of view, to help us understand why our he or she did or said the things that hurt or bothered us—even if that's against our natural desires.
4. Strive for humility. When we're wronged, it's easy to feel morally superior. To forgive, though, I need to see myself as not so different from my offender. By recognizing that there have been plenty of times when I've hurt someone else, sometimes intentionally, I can see, in humility, our similarities. Then I think of the times I've received forgiveness. How many times has God forgiven me? How many times have other people forgiven me?
5. Start with the easiest offenses. If one hurt is too difficult to forgive, try forgiving an easier one. Put the hard one aside until later. Try again tomorrow. If you want to forgive but can't, keep practicing. It may take time, but forgiving happens.
6. Choose to reconcile. Forgiveness can help promote reconciliation,because it softens attitudes. Reconciliation is all about deciding to talk, talking gently in love, empathizing, repairing any hurt feelings (sooner rather than later), and building a sense of loving devotion that both people feel.
7. Anticipate that the wounds will still hurt. When people have worked through the past to reach forgiveness, they often think (irrationally) that they'll never remember the hurt again. If they do recall the hurtand re-experience pain, they think that their forgiveness was a fraud. Not so. A remembered hurt does not equal unforgiveness.
8. Hold on to forgiveness. Don't dwell on negative emotions when you recall the incident. Remind yourself that you've forgiven the person.We can exert self-control to reach forgiveness. Self-control is partof the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23), so we don't need to exert it by gut-it-out effort. We can anticipate that God wants to produce self-control in us, so he'll be motivated to help us.
1) God is All-Knowing. He cannot impose self-amnesia on Himself.
The Myth of Forgetting the Harm (Dan Allender, professor of biblical counseling at Colorado ChristianUniversity, and a psychologist with the Institute of BiblicalCounseling in Denver)
A central misunderstanding that fuels many other myths about forgiveness is the notion that we are to "forgive and forget." The concept comes from two major passages: Ps. 25:7 and Jer. 31:34. The psalmist asks God not to remember the sins of his youth but instead to recall His mercy and love. In the Jeremiah passage God says: "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."Christians are told to be like God, who does not remember sin but forgives wickedness.
This would be a good principle to follow were it not for one fact: Goddoes remember sin. We are told that one day we will all appear before God and receive our rewards based on "the things done while in the body, whether good or bad" (2 Cor. 5:10). God remembers sin and righteousness, and He uses the data to determine our due.
When the writers of Scripture say God has taken away our sins "as far as the east is from the west" (Ps. 103:12) and will "hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea" (Mic. 7:19), they are using metaphors, not making statements of fact about God's loss of memory. A metaphor is like an impressionistic painting. It is overstated and dramatic; full of life, but not intended to be taken as a precise, literal representation of the scene painted. Imagine how absurd it would be if someone wanted to discover the actual place where the eastis divided from the west. In the same way, it is absurd to take the metaphor of God's forgetfulness and make it into a tangible requirement of forgiveness.
Let me state a working definition of forgiveness. To forgive another means to cancel a debt in order to provide (1) opportunity for repentance and (2) restoration of the broken relationship.
2) The true definition of Forgiveness (although this article was written by Neil in the context of marriage, it is applicable to allrelationships)
Why Forgive?
(Neil T. Anderson, Ph.D., author, founder and president emeritus of Freedom in Christ Ministries)
I was their last resort. Kurt and Mary (not their real names) called me in the middle of an argument.
"Dr. Anderson, you have to come and help us," Mary said angrily. After talking with her briefly, I was afraid if I didn't show up, their argument would result in domestic violence!
I'm making a house call police officers don't even like to make! I thought as I got into my car.
I played referee for a couple hours until they'd worn themselves out.This Christian couple had made enemies of each other. And forgivenesswas the furthest thing from what they wanted to discuss.
"I've listened to your arguments and frustrations," I started. "Here's the overriding reality. Before God we're responsible for our own character and the needs of the other person. You two have been ripping each other's character while looking out for your own needs. You'restruggling in your marriage because you're struggling in your spiritual life."
They were stunned. They hadn't connected their marital troubles with how they were doing in their individual relationships with God. Butthe Bible is clear: "If someone says, 'I love God,' but hates aChristian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don'tlove people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen?"(1 John 4:20, NLT).
What makes a Christian marriage work is to forgive from our hearts, just as Jesus forgave us. He did so by taking our sins upon himself. For us, forgiving others means we're willing to live with the consequences of our spouse's sins.
But why forgive?
1. To help us mature in our faith. God's intention in marriage is that we hang in there and grow up. In Colossians Paul writes: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (3:13).
It's in the context of committed relationships where we either learn to be kind, patient, and loving, or we blow apart. Loving each other inevitably means that we forgive each other—and keep on forgiving as Jesus instructed in Matthew 18:21-22. When Peter asked Jesus how manytimes we should forgive someone, "Up to seven times?" Jesus answered,"I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Yes, you may be tempted to keep a written log of how many times you'veforgiven your spouse! But Jesus was really saying we need to forgiveas many times as we are offended. It may seem unfair, especially when we feel as though we're the ones always doing the forgiving. Yet, forgiveness calls us to grow in character, which is ultimately most pleasing to God.
2. To keep bitterness away. In the close confinement of our homes, we'll say or do things that are offensive to our mate. Even the best of us will feel hurt, put down, or rejected. But if we let a root of bitterness spring up, the writer of Hebrews says that it will "defilemany" (12:15). Our unforgiveness grows to bitterness and affects everyone. It erupts in anger and brings disease, stress, pain.Bitterness is like swallowing a bottle of poison hoping the other person will die.
Excuses, excuses
So many times we know we should forgive, we understand what God says about the importance of forgiveness, but still we fight it. Here aresome excuses I hear from couples.
It's not fair. Of course it isn't, but we all live with the consequences of another person's sin. For instance, we're stuck with the consequence of Adam's and Eve's sin. And on the marriage front, since it's God's will that we remain married, the only real choice wehave is whether we want to live out those consequences of our spouse's sin in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.
But you don't know how bad he (or she) hurt me! That's not the issue. Your spouse may still hurt you. But forgiveness is how you stop the pain.
I have to heal first—then I'll be able to forgive. Research shows over and over that forgiveness brings healing, not the other way around.
But I want revenge! The writer of Hebrews reminds us, "For we know himwho said, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay'" (10:30). We have totrust that God will even the score and make things right.
Why should I let him (or her) off the hook? If you don't forgive,you're still hooked to that offense. You'll gain freedom from the past if you let your spouse off your hook. But remember, your spouse isn't off God's hook.
Where's the justice? It's in the cross. Jesus died for your sins, and my sins, and his sins, and her sins.
Sloppy forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn't mean we offer cheap grace, though. Here are two statements I often hear that offer faux forgiveness.
I'll just try to forget about it, because God forgot my sins. True,God remembers our sin no more. But we can't just will ourselves to forget. I like to think we remember because we can learn from it. The most important part of "forgetting" our spouse's sin is that we don't take the past and use it against our spouse—just as God doesn't use our sins against us (which means He remembers, but doesn't use our sins against us - Gavin). The one who keeps bringing up past offenses hasn't forgiven.
I'll keep forgiving even though he never changes, since that's what Jesus calls me to do. Yes, Jesus asks us to forgive over and over, but he never asks us to put up with wrong behavior. When Jesus forgave, hetold the person, "Go and sin no more." Part of offering grace is to set clear-cut boundaries that protect us from further abuse. Forgiving from our heart isn't being a punching bag. Although the Lord forgives, he doesn't tolerate sin, and neither should we.
True forgiveness
The closer we connect to God and understand the forgiveness he's given us, the more able we are to forgive our spouse. If we struggle withf orgiveness, we can pray something such as: "Lord, I forgive my husband for (list every offense that God brings to mind), because it made me feel (rejected, unwanted, judged, small). Heal my damaged emotions and bless my husband."
Remember, you're the only one who can keep yourself from being the person and spouse God created you to be. We don't just forgive the other person for his sake; we forgive for our own emotional, physical, and spiritual health. If you'll assume responsibility to grow inChrist, and forgive those around you, the family can be the kind ofenvironment where everybody wins.
3) Steps to Forgiveness
How to forgive
(Adapted from Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope. Revised edition (c) 2003 by Everett L. Worthington Jr. Used by permission of Inter Varsity Press)
Okay, we all know we should forgive—after all, that's what Christ commands us to do. But how exactly do we forgive?
1. Acknowledge the hurt. The first step is to allow yourself to say, Iwas hurt/offended when the person did/said this. Sometimes we deny the pain. We think, That hurt didn't matter. Instead of suppressing our feelings, we must come to grips with them. Instead of turning from the pain and anger, we must face them.
2. Gently confront. When a transgression occurs, ask for an explanation. Rather than saying, "You barbarian! You have the sensitivity of gravel. How could you do such a horrid thing to me? Don't you love me?" ask, "When you insulted me, I was surprised. You're usually very sensitive. Can you tell me what was going on?" This is more respectful and will usually keep the door open for genuine dialogue.
3. Pray. Sometimes recalling a hurt or offense can throw us into a tail spin. So here's what to pray for and about:
- to protect your mind, to focus on the forgiveness aspect rather than the negative thoughts
- for the Holy Spirit to be your comforter
- for a gift of empathy
It's difficult to empathize with someone who has hurt us. But we can ask God to work actively within us to help us see things from theother person's point of view, to help us understand why our he or she did or said the things that hurt or bothered us—even if that's against our natural desires.
4. Strive for humility. When we're wronged, it's easy to feel morally superior. To forgive, though, I need to see myself as not so different from my offender. By recognizing that there have been plenty of times when I've hurt someone else, sometimes intentionally, I can see, in humility, our similarities. Then I think of the times I've received forgiveness. How many times has God forgiven me? How many times have other people forgiven me?
5. Start with the easiest offenses. If one hurt is too difficult to forgive, try forgiving an easier one. Put the hard one aside until later. Try again tomorrow. If you want to forgive but can't, keep practicing. It may take time, but forgiving happens.
6. Choose to reconcile. Forgiveness can help promote reconciliation,because it softens attitudes. Reconciliation is all about deciding to talk, talking gently in love, empathizing, repairing any hurt feelings (sooner rather than later), and building a sense of loving devotion that both people feel.
7. Anticipate that the wounds will still hurt. When people have worked through the past to reach forgiveness, they often think (irrationally) that they'll never remember the hurt again. If they do recall the hurtand re-experience pain, they think that their forgiveness was a fraud. Not so. A remembered hurt does not equal unforgiveness.
8. Hold on to forgiveness. Don't dwell on negative emotions when you recall the incident. Remind yourself that you've forgiven the person.We can exert self-control to reach forgiveness. Self-control is partof the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23), so we don't need to exert it by gut-it-out effort. We can anticipate that God wants to produce self-control in us, so he'll be motivated to help us.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Crying Baby....
25th September 2006,
5.00pm Monday. As usual finishing blog before go back- lock the door in case any disturbance from outside. Fri CG was good, worship lead a bit stuck, coz most of the people not sure about the songs that I lead..sharing was good- an overview of the weeks' material on "My Father, my God"- 1st- My God as myFather, 2nd- My Father who is good, 3rd- The Father who forgives, 4th- The Father has choosen me, 5th- The Father, the Gardener, 6th- The Father who discipline, 7th- The Father who hugs. A week of prayer and fasting, and study on the topics of 'The Father'. Very relevant, and this week will be "Fathering Pastor Conference". There are more than a hundreds of Pastors from all over the corners in Malaysia will be coming- mainly from the interior places- most ministered to the Orang Asli. This is our 2nd time organising the conference- with the hope to bless the pastors, those that has sacrifice their lives for God's people. God has provide more than enough for the conference- we will be subsidising the accomodation, transport and everything- to bless the pastors.
Saturday has been a full day for me. 1st Oct will be e-THIS Live, and we are trying our best to solve whatever teething problems- bugs to prepare for system implementation. 23rd Sept is also my daddy's 3 years in heaven. I miss him so so much. Went for dinner with Benji and Roland at e-Gate (Subway). After all done, Benji fetch me back home, and in the car we discuss few things- and one of it touched about forgiveness. He mentioned that "To forgive" is "To forget". To wipe up all, and renewing one relationship as how God has forgiven us. I agree with him in certain way, but not about forgetting. When somethings happen- in your heart you may forgive a person, but it doesn't really mean that you forget all. Things had happened, and nothing can change that. Unless I'm a computer that every single memories wipe out from my hardisk, or else it's still there. I argue on that- but he is not very happy. My meaning of forgiveness- is to really forgive from my heart- yet things are different in a way that I might not able to treat the other person as it is. Sometimes, as the season goes- things happen, things change, and I am accepting the changes. Yet, forgiveness is not of dwelling on one's weaknesses and stop you from going forward.
After the discussion in the car, my heart was so painful and aching. I went to the swimming pool and cried for 2 hours. Am I that sensitive? Why I cried? It's not of what Benji said or whether he offended me, no it's not. I just so sad- seeing my own spiritual life, how I've been struggling and about to climb up- and yet, it's just so difficult. I just couldn't accept that my heart don't forgive others...and I'm back to square one. Have I forgiven others? Checking my heart- again and again, deep search deep. I confess it all, if there's any person that I still hold the biterness, I release to God.
I receive a few smses:
" Love isn't about compelled to do anything! It's about whether you allow Him to flood you with healing rivers of Love,or closing up and not allow Him to work".
"Forgiving is NOT forgetting! It is giving your suffering to Him. When you have truly given ALL of it to Him, you will experience release from pain. The "not forgetting" part means learn from the mistake and don't fall for it again. Otherwise, you will be burned again. God wants us to learn from our experiences."
Father, I look you You, search my heart O Lord, and see if there is any offensive ways in me, Lead me to Your everlasting. Let the meditation of my heart and word of my mouth be ever pleasing to You, my Lord. I forgive all, and help me to treat others with the same love as before, and not of seeing others 'different'. Help me to be slow in speech and active in listening. Let my words ever pleasing You- let it be edifying, and tearing ones' down. Forgive me of my carelessness of speech, if anytime I've hurt the others, forgive me- and please Lord, bring healing to the others.
5.00pm Monday. As usual finishing blog before go back- lock the door in case any disturbance from outside. Fri CG was good, worship lead a bit stuck, coz most of the people not sure about the songs that I lead..sharing was good- an overview of the weeks' material on "My Father, my God"- 1st- My God as myFather, 2nd- My Father who is good, 3rd- The Father who forgives, 4th- The Father has choosen me, 5th- The Father, the Gardener, 6th- The Father who discipline, 7th- The Father who hugs. A week of prayer and fasting, and study on the topics of 'The Father'. Very relevant, and this week will be "Fathering Pastor Conference". There are more than a hundreds of Pastors from all over the corners in Malaysia will be coming- mainly from the interior places- most ministered to the Orang Asli. This is our 2nd time organising the conference- with the hope to bless the pastors, those that has sacrifice their lives for God's people. God has provide more than enough for the conference- we will be subsidising the accomodation, transport and everything- to bless the pastors.
Saturday has been a full day for me. 1st Oct will be e-THIS Live, and we are trying our best to solve whatever teething problems- bugs to prepare for system implementation. 23rd Sept is also my daddy's 3 years in heaven. I miss him so so much. Went for dinner with Benji and Roland at e-Gate (Subway). After all done, Benji fetch me back home, and in the car we discuss few things- and one of it touched about forgiveness. He mentioned that "To forgive" is "To forget". To wipe up all, and renewing one relationship as how God has forgiven us. I agree with him in certain way, but not about forgetting. When somethings happen- in your heart you may forgive a person, but it doesn't really mean that you forget all. Things had happened, and nothing can change that. Unless I'm a computer that every single memories wipe out from my hardisk, or else it's still there. I argue on that- but he is not very happy. My meaning of forgiveness- is to really forgive from my heart- yet things are different in a way that I might not able to treat the other person as it is. Sometimes, as the season goes- things happen, things change, and I am accepting the changes. Yet, forgiveness is not of dwelling on one's weaknesses and stop you from going forward.
After the discussion in the car, my heart was so painful and aching. I went to the swimming pool and cried for 2 hours. Am I that sensitive? Why I cried? It's not of what Benji said or whether he offended me, no it's not. I just so sad- seeing my own spiritual life, how I've been struggling and about to climb up- and yet, it's just so difficult. I just couldn't accept that my heart don't forgive others...and I'm back to square one. Have I forgiven others? Checking my heart- again and again, deep search deep. I confess it all, if there's any person that I still hold the biterness, I release to God.
I receive a few smses:
" Love isn't about compelled to do anything! It's about whether you allow Him to flood you with healing rivers of Love,or closing up and not allow Him to work".
"Forgiving is NOT forgetting! It is giving your suffering to Him. When you have truly given ALL of it to Him, you will experience release from pain. The "not forgetting" part means learn from the mistake and don't fall for it again. Otherwise, you will be burned again. God wants us to learn from our experiences."
Father, I look you You, search my heart O Lord, and see if there is any offensive ways in me, Lead me to Your everlasting. Let the meditation of my heart and word of my mouth be ever pleasing to You, my Lord. I forgive all, and help me to treat others with the same love as before, and not of seeing others 'different'. Help me to be slow in speech and active in listening. Let my words ever pleasing You- let it be edifying, and tearing ones' down. Forgive me of my carelessness of speech, if anytime I've hurt the others, forgive me- and please Lord, bring healing to the others.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
To Start Somewhere...
21st September 2006,
5.27pm Thursday evening. Today is happening day. I went to Pantai Mutiara Hospital early morning with 2 of my collegues- Choong and Magdalene. Have a short overview of e-THIS system and the workflow. Work as usual, training, department meeting, and normal routine. I appreciate all that the staff has done, even though sometimes we got a bit quarrels, but learning to see beyond the weakness and accepting the non-lovable things. Learning to look beyond the black dot, and appreciate the white surface. Easily said than done. It's always relationship that is so difficult to deal with, relationship that builds and destroys. What I can learn here? Still..no man an island, and we need one another. I need to relate, and I love to relate to others. I am learning- even getting to know new members in Abundance CG, a different set of environment compared to my previous CG, learning to relate and learn from the wise. Abundance CG composition is well balanced: with married couples with kids, older people - Pastor Mei and Pastor Eddie, Susie (Ps. Sam's wife), young couples, and few of singles and young adult. It's different from my old CG with all young adults, and some couples and married young couples.
I got a mail from Pragas yesterday. I just got to know that he gonna resign and give up his job to go full time missionary course for half a year, then proceed to his calling into mission field to Sri Lanka for another 2 years. He's giving up his work, his home and everything- and persuing the higher calling God has for him. It's not easy, require great faith and such passion for God. It's still go down to the relationship with God- the friendship with God, the love for Him to move out and touch others. Yes, I am encouraged. I'm always encouraged to see people of God doing great exploit for Him. I was once on fire, and will do anything at all for Him, but now I've diluting down, stilling down...The cares of the world has draw me a distance from God. I've hurt Him again and again. I have to get serious and mean what I want to do for Him...
Another person that I want to give thanks for is Benji. A man after God's own heart. I told myself I'll never never put any expectation on him. I've seen so many friendship injured because of expectations on one another-broken trust, disappointment, different phase of life, people come people go. I pray that I will always cheerish friends that God has put along my path. I'm thankful, for people He brought to encourage me in my time of sadness - always pointing me to Christ, keeping me from falling away. Benji has always been a good friend. His honesty and love for God, his powerful testimony, his sharp word of knowledge, indeed a blessing to those who knows him. I hope the best for him...in whatever he does, the Lord will blessed and reward him plentiful.
Friends are friends, God is God. Where is the focus? I learned that in all things, God will always be the focus, no one else, but Christ alone. He is the Centre of the Mark...in everything we do. With this wonderful people come along my path, where is my stand? I must start somewhere...It's long, the mediocre has been long,...what You want me to do at this point, O Lord? How Lord? Where to start Lord? I want to love You more. Yes- start small, in knowing Him in Prayer, communion, His Words, devotion- lifestyle of worship- then in Cell, Family, Church...Can I do it Lord? I've been discouraged and disappointed so many times, can I do it? "Yes, Focus on Me"....Thank You Lord, for giving me the 2nd chance, one after another. Thank You for Your Grace that's so free...I will try my best Lord, please be patient with me. I love You, Daddy!
5.27pm Thursday evening. Today is happening day. I went to Pantai Mutiara Hospital early morning with 2 of my collegues- Choong and Magdalene. Have a short overview of e-THIS system and the workflow. Work as usual, training, department meeting, and normal routine. I appreciate all that the staff has done, even though sometimes we got a bit quarrels, but learning to see beyond the weakness and accepting the non-lovable things. Learning to look beyond the black dot, and appreciate the white surface. Easily said than done. It's always relationship that is so difficult to deal with, relationship that builds and destroys. What I can learn here? Still..no man an island, and we need one another. I need to relate, and I love to relate to others. I am learning- even getting to know new members in Abundance CG, a different set of environment compared to my previous CG, learning to relate and learn from the wise. Abundance CG composition is well balanced: with married couples with kids, older people - Pastor Mei and Pastor Eddie, Susie (Ps. Sam's wife), young couples, and few of singles and young adult. It's different from my old CG with all young adults, and some couples and married young couples.
I got a mail from Pragas yesterday. I just got to know that he gonna resign and give up his job to go full time missionary course for half a year, then proceed to his calling into mission field to Sri Lanka for another 2 years. He's giving up his work, his home and everything- and persuing the higher calling God has for him. It's not easy, require great faith and such passion for God. It's still go down to the relationship with God- the friendship with God, the love for Him to move out and touch others. Yes, I am encouraged. I'm always encouraged to see people of God doing great exploit for Him. I was once on fire, and will do anything at all for Him, but now I've diluting down, stilling down...The cares of the world has draw me a distance from God. I've hurt Him again and again. I have to get serious and mean what I want to do for Him...
Another person that I want to give thanks for is Benji. A man after God's own heart. I told myself I'll never never put any expectation on him. I've seen so many friendship injured because of expectations on one another-broken trust, disappointment, different phase of life, people come people go. I pray that I will always cheerish friends that God has put along my path. I'm thankful, for people He brought to encourage me in my time of sadness - always pointing me to Christ, keeping me from falling away. Benji has always been a good friend. His honesty and love for God, his powerful testimony, his sharp word of knowledge, indeed a blessing to those who knows him. I hope the best for him...in whatever he does, the Lord will blessed and reward him plentiful.
Friends are friends, God is God. Where is the focus? I learned that in all things, God will always be the focus, no one else, but Christ alone. He is the Centre of the Mark...in everything we do. With this wonderful people come along my path, where is my stand? I must start somewhere...It's long, the mediocre has been long,...what You want me to do at this point, O Lord? How Lord? Where to start Lord? I want to love You more. Yes- start small, in knowing Him in Prayer, communion, His Words, devotion- lifestyle of worship- then in Cell, Family, Church...Can I do it Lord? I've been discouraged and disappointed so many times, can I do it? "Yes, Focus on Me"....Thank You Lord, for giving me the 2nd chance, one after another. Thank You for Your Grace that's so free...I will try my best Lord, please be patient with me. I love You, Daddy!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I'm worship leading this Fri...
19th September 2006,
It's 6.20pm, hmm...yes, it's late and I'm still in the office, what are you doing here, Shirley- you may asked. Hehee...I just finished typing 4 songs to use for worship leading this coming Friday. It has been long since the last time I worship-lead in Cell. Esther asked me to help out in worship for the upcoming Fri-CG. Can't believe I can be given another chance to serve. I'm just so happy,.. after such long time. I'm still not sure which Cell to settle down with, but higher percentage will be Abundance CG. Most of the members are married, young couples, and just a handful of singles. Yet, I feel comfortable, a balance- I can learn a lot from the 'older' people :PP
Today is routine, e-THIS gonna get LIVE this 1st October, and yet the system still have a lot of bugs- a lot more to change, and the staff has been practising and familiarising with the features. Gonna visit Pantai Mutiara this Thurs, and meeting with HOD tomorrow to discuss on Medical Supplies charging- hopefully all able to work well. Need to structurized my thoughts, and the messange that I want to put across during the meeting, or else I will be bombarded with a lot of complaints and ridicules. I'm anticipating more to come, new system, new reno, newness in my own life, newness- a fresh start to know Him more....
It's 6.20pm, hmm...yes, it's late and I'm still in the office, what are you doing here, Shirley- you may asked. Hehee...I just finished typing 4 songs to use for worship leading this coming Friday. It has been long since the last time I worship-lead in Cell. Esther asked me to help out in worship for the upcoming Fri-CG. Can't believe I can be given another chance to serve. I'm just so happy,.. after such long time. I'm still not sure which Cell to settle down with, but higher percentage will be Abundance CG. Most of the members are married, young couples, and just a handful of singles. Yet, I feel comfortable, a balance- I can learn a lot from the 'older' people :PP
Today is routine, e-THIS gonna get LIVE this 1st October, and yet the system still have a lot of bugs- a lot more to change, and the staff has been practising and familiarising with the features. Gonna visit Pantai Mutiara this Thurs, and meeting with HOD tomorrow to discuss on Medical Supplies charging- hopefully all able to work well. Need to structurized my thoughts, and the messange that I want to put across during the meeting, or else I will be bombarded with a lot of complaints and ridicules. I'm anticipating more to come, new system, new reno, newness in my own life, newness- a fresh start to know Him more....
Monday, September 18, 2006
Jesus: To be rested in Him alone
18th September 2006,
4.32pm Monday. It's time to go home. Rain heavily today, got wet running to coffee shop for breakfast this morning. The weekends was good. Fri, went for CG, supper with Benji, Winnie and Andrew, then Saturday work the whole day for eTHIS training. Sunday is the Play "My Father, My Hero" organised by the CATs (Creative Arts Trooper Group). Manage to invite a non-Christian friend to the Play and the message is good- about God as our heavenly Daddy that loves us unconditionally, agape Love.
The title for my blog today is about 'resting'. I have a verse craved on a glass, a sovenior given by friend- written on this verse: "In quietness and in Confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15). I need to come rested quietly in His Presence and assurance of His love. Life pace has been very fast- I couldn't catch up and many times just tag along, and flow with the crowd. Like a little child that just venture into the unknown, trying to get into the culture and trying to adapt with the environment- searching for more, and compromising here and there, getting acceptance from others, running around without direction, not sure where I am heading- getting LOST! Yet, His hands never let me go, allowing me to go through the wandering land, learning to walk, run and fly- then fall flat and soar up again. He is my all in all, my security, my provision. There is none like Him, no one else can touch my heart like He do. He satisfies, He satisfies, He satisfies my desire. I just need to hold on to that truth and not to be drown in pity party sorrows. Laerning to love myself and pampered myself- also discipline in my walk with Him. Not entertaining the lies of the enemies, but to only believe what the Bible said about me, what God sees in me. Yes, I'm holding on- and here am I, Lord, take me.
Forgive me Daddy, for doubting You and angry...such childish attitude, I wanna change. I come afresh I pray Lord help me to start afresh, only to please You, only to love You, to hear Your voice, to fall in Love again- bring me deeper, deeper in love with You...Jesus hold me close in Your embrace....no more pity party, no more sorrows- but victory, joy and love.
4.32pm Monday. It's time to go home. Rain heavily today, got wet running to coffee shop for breakfast this morning. The weekends was good. Fri, went for CG, supper with Benji, Winnie and Andrew, then Saturday work the whole day for eTHIS training. Sunday is the Play "My Father, My Hero" organised by the CATs (Creative Arts Trooper Group). Manage to invite a non-Christian friend to the Play and the message is good- about God as our heavenly Daddy that loves us unconditionally, agape Love.
The title for my blog today is about 'resting'. I have a verse craved on a glass, a sovenior given by friend- written on this verse: "In quietness and in Confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15). I need to come rested quietly in His Presence and assurance of His love. Life pace has been very fast- I couldn't catch up and many times just tag along, and flow with the crowd. Like a little child that just venture into the unknown, trying to get into the culture and trying to adapt with the environment- searching for more, and compromising here and there, getting acceptance from others, running around without direction, not sure where I am heading- getting LOST! Yet, His hands never let me go, allowing me to go through the wandering land, learning to walk, run and fly- then fall flat and soar up again. He is my all in all, my security, my provision. There is none like Him, no one else can touch my heart like He do. He satisfies, He satisfies, He satisfies my desire. I just need to hold on to that truth and not to be drown in pity party sorrows. Laerning to love myself and pampered myself- also discipline in my walk with Him. Not entertaining the lies of the enemies, but to only believe what the Bible said about me, what God sees in me. Yes, I'm holding on- and here am I, Lord, take me.
Forgive me Daddy, for doubting You and angry...such childish attitude, I wanna change. I come afresh I pray Lord help me to start afresh, only to please You, only to love You, to hear Your voice, to fall in Love again- bring me deeper, deeper in love with You...Jesus hold me close in Your embrace....no more pity party, no more sorrows- but victory, joy and love.
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